What do you do when you don’t get what you want?

NoHaving been raising children for 25 years has left me with many stories of meltdowns when one doesn’t get their way. What do you do when you don’t get your way? Are you composed and reflective? Do you disappear in the dark corners of the house? Or do you explode on display like its the fourth of July? Once you don’t get your way do you then pursue some way of soothing yourself?

What we do when we don’t get our way has everything to do with our emotional maturity. And maybe even our spiritual maturity. And that has a lot to do with how well our parents did raising us. The ultimate test of emotional maturity can be seen in our ability to say no to ourselves.

I’m proud to say that I have lost 10 lbs. I’m not proud to say that it has taken me over a year to do so. It has been really hard to say no to myself.

What about you? What do you do when you don’t get what you want? How easy is it for you to allow others to say no to you? How easy is it for you to say no to yourself?

Comments 4

  • Ha! This is a good one! I actually go through all phases in this order. First I begin to talk loudly to defend all the reasons I should get “yes” instead of “no” and attempt to negotiate! Second I disappear in the dark corners when negotiations have failed to reflect on reasons it was good for the “no” or all the reasons it should have been a “yes”! If I can rationalize it was a good “no” then I’m apologetic. However, if I see no reason it could not have been a “yes” I will work at a different approach before giving up! Example: Dinner at my house on 3 major holidays! But after many hits and runs on that topic, I have finally given up to set myself free from such disappointment. I now get that I can make it through the holidays being kinder to myself even though I must say “no” to myself.

    This leads to the third phase where I will pursue a positive way of “soothing” myself without being addictive or abusive to myself? I experienced this on Christmas Day when I was alone after having lunch with friends. I didn’t really want to be with anyone but I did for a brief moment. It was somewhat pleasant but not like being with my kids and grandkids. I decided to take a stroll in my childhood community stopping to take pictures even though it was pouring down rain! It was if GOD was showering me to cleanse me! It was a great way to reflect on me not getting the “yes” I had desired but found the “yes” that I needed. I need to do this more often. Turning to GOD for the right “yes” for me even if it’s not what I thought I needed or wanted!

    • What an awesome testimony. How God transformed the no into a yes. Sometimes what we want is not what we need. We can be so short sighted that we can’t imagine anything good in having things turn out differently than we expected. In my 51 years God has always surprised me by working all things out for my good. Romans 8:28. So we really have nothing to fear. We can live with the no’s expecting that God has something up His sleeve for us.

  • My first reaction when I don’t get my way is to take it personal and make it all about me. The lesson I am learning is to trust God. I don’t always know what is the best thing for me in the long term, the reference I use is what feels best for me. This type of thinking is the root of my addictions.
    Accepting no from people is getting easier because I am learning that their choice ultimately effects them and isn’t about me. I strive to hold people accountable for their decisions while being accountable for my own.

    • What feels good to me is the root of my addictions. Wow that is so true. We turn to our addictive behaviors to soothe ourselves when we don’t get what we want. Our addictions do feel good – at least temporarily. We are just fooling ourselves thinking we are getting our way after all.

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