So we all get frustrated with others from time to time. Conflict is inevitable within relationships. Conflict would be OK if it were not also associated with unwelcomed emotions. Emotions like dread, disgust and doom. Anxiety too! The problem with conflict is that most of us associate it with a yelling mother and father, getting fussed at or cursed out. And for some maybe, even getting beat up. Many of us learn to avoid conflict at an early age. Yet when things don’t quite go our way, we who were yelled at often become yellers. The same abuse we received we often meet out to our subordinates. And maybe even our peers.
But why do we yell? Most say they yell because they don’t feel heard. Well unless you are yelling at someone who is hard of hearing, our general motivation for yelling is based on a lie we are telling ourselves. “I’m not being heard!” The truth is you have been heard. You are yelling because it seems to be the easiest way to get what you want. Rather than calmly express your thoughts or focus on what you can do to hold the offender responsible for their behavior, you chose instead to let them know how wrong they are and what they need to do to fix the situation. Yes, yelling is a bully tactic. And a sign that you will lose your mind when you perceive things are not going the way you imagined in your head. Yelling really is a sign that you lack confidence in your ability get others to do what you want them to do. It is an act of frustration and resignation. Your confidence has left the room. And everybody under the sound of your voice knows it. You are crying wolf and no one is paying attention. Because you end up making a lot of threats but never really following through. It actually feels like no one cares to you. In this desperate place, many have lost their mind acting out their anger. They fail to realize that they are only responsible for themselves.
Do you yell? Can you see yelling as a sign of insecurity? Can you yell quietly? If you yell, what is the usual outcome?