Can the Basis of Perfectionism be Codependency?

How many times have you not spoken up because you were worried about what others might think of you? Or maybe you have been one to blow up (or melt down) easily when you sense someone is disrespecting you? Had you ever thought that maybe it was because you were dependent upon other people’s judgment of you? That you needed to look good in everybody else’s eyes?

The drive for perfection often comes from growing up with parents who insisted upon you being perfect. If they were highly critical, neglectful or abusive you may have grown up without a sense of being OK with yourself. You may have ended up on that mouse wheel spinning out of control never ever getting your desired object – other’s approval, acceptance and love. Looking desperately for affirmation in the wrong places you may have become like many who, hurt and beaten up, have totally given up on people. And themselves. Growing up without healthy affirmation leaves us longing for connection and meaning. Our parents, caregivers or even peers have the power to mold us into healthy emotional beings with the ability to easily give of ourselves and receive from others. Or they can set us up on a pattern of being dependent upon what we think others are thinking about us. The root of this drive to be perfect often comes from being dependent upon other’s assessment of you. That’s codependency. Or as one blogster put it – self-love deficit disorder.

Are you on that spinning wheel seeking the approval of others? Is your temper under control? If you would like help getting off that wheel maybe you should consider getting into therapy.


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